It is with considerable sadness and regret
that I have to report a break-in at the Broken Glass – the Corby Olympic
Cultural Centre situated conveniently next to the Toppled Bollard.
It appears that a gang of ne’er-do-wells
entered via the underground labyrinth that honeycombs the area and broke through
into the dance studio, clearly planning to raid the till.
Unfortunately for the thieves, members of
“Dancing on Glass” (as the Studio’s lively jive, jitterbug and lindy-hop
evenings are known) pay their annual fee by direct debit, and thus no money was
to be found on the site. What’s more, following the serving of an anti-social
behaviour order on our publican, Billy the Dog McGraw, drinking is not
available locally, and thus there was no money in the bar till either.
It was soon after I had dialled 999 that I
realised this might be a more complex case than I had imagined. Within a trice a thin, wiry but nonetheless
impressive man arrived announcing himself as Superintendent Sir Notworth
Bothering-Wyth. His entrance was only slightly undermined by the appearance two
minutes later of a broad-shouldered fellow who also claimed to be
Superintendent Sir Notworth Bothering-Wyth of the Corby Police.
As you may imagine, the arrival of two
gentlemen each claiming the name Sir Notworth Bothering-Wyth and each claiming
to be the local police superintendent led to a certain frostiness in the room.
As the first superintendent asserted that, finding the till empty, the gang had
moved their attention to the fine array of dancing trophies and memorabilia
kept on site, the alternative Sir Notworth shouted that they had clearly
abandoned that plan when they discovered that the pieces were not made of gold
as they had supposed but were built from yellow-coloured plastic found at the
lead mines that have provided such fine employment for the stout-hearted
menfolk of our town for so many years.
“But then,” called the first, marching
counter-clockwise across the room, “the gang opened these cupboards, discovered
a collection of Rod Stewart CDs and, I have no doubt, are even now offering
them at a discount to the residents of local nursing homes.”
The management committee decided not to
prosecute.
Tony Attwood
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