Juventus played like boiled fish
(headline in Italian newspaper as translated by James Richardson)
On reading
this headline I wondered – why “boiled” fish?
I don’t know why but it reminds me of a piece by Woody Allen, “On
Tripping Through a Copse and Picking Violets” in which he wrote: “This is no fun at all, and
I would recommend almost any other activity.
Try visiting a sick friend.”
His point
was that the best way to get flowers was to call the florist and order by
phone. “That way,” he concluded, “if an
electrical storm comes up or a bee-hive is chanced upon, it will be the florist
who is rushed to
My own
advice, when I am called upon to give it in the Toppled Bollard, is – be
revolutionary when writing direct mail.
By and large being a revolutionary is simple – all you need is something
to rebel against and then you just find someone who will do the revolting for
you. One of the great things about this
is that dress tends to be casual, and time and place are flexible – although of
course if you don’t get both sides to agree on time and place then the whole
revolution can be something of a walkover.
If neither side turns up, as in the Toppled Bollard Massacre of 2002,
then a draw results and the status-quo is deemed the winner. You also forfeit your deposit.
When
running the revolution remember that the status quo is always dull and boring
and mostly involves watching paint dry.
For my crusade against sales letters that start “I would like to
introduce myself as your new sales representative for this area” I had Billy
“The Dog” McGraw leading the revolting, something at which he was a
natural. The campaign, rather like
dropped jelly, was completely mould breaking.
Of course
it is hard for direct mail copywriters to get much sympathy in the media as
“the oppressed”, although most of us do go around grumbling a lot and
complaining of headaches, which suggests to me that by and large we are on the
right lines.
Recently we
put all our reports on how you can get better response rates in direct mail
by making a few very simple changes to your promotions on the www.hamilton-house.com
web site. You can also do counts and buy
lists on line. The site doesn’t harm
your civil liberties although I would advise against calling the owner of the
Bollard “Fats”.
Tony
Attwood
PS: We are currently considering putting all the
past stories from the Toppled Bollard on www.hamilton-house.com – so
that you can get the full flavour of the boiled fish.